(Conceived as a song for what was originally the 2nd full length I wrote called Rubik's Cube. I wrote this song about letting someone down, who i felt wouldn't do the same under similar circumstances. TL:DR a song about shame/guilt) You got this radar, always a lock on me Sometimes it scares me how well you can see Right through my walls, you cut right through my defenses And when you get close, you ask, what the hell were you expecting from me? i would never abandon you, don't abandon me i would never abandon you, don't abandon me i would never abandon you, don't abandon me i would never abandon you You've got this heart, bigger with a love that can inspire A natural grace, littered with an irreconcilable ire A stove top heat that’s seething at the seams And when you get close, you ask, what the hell are you keeping from me? i would never abandon you, don't abandon me i would never abandon you, don't abandon me i would never abandon you, don't abandon me i would never abandon you, why'd you abandon me Why’d you leave me?

(This was the title track for my original conception of this album. i came up with this song, while staring at a Rubik's Cube my little sister gave me. I never altered it from it's perfect out of the box condition. I always felt like i'd fuck it up and never get it right. A generic/cliche analogy occurred in my head in what amounted to a, at the time, profound epiphany (Think: life is like a box of chocolates). I thought if i could solve this Rubik's cube of a life and the mess I had made at the time of writing it, I'd get everything I wanted. If i could conjure and mutter the right combinations of words and actions then I would acquire everything I wanted. I could set everything, manipulate every angle, every side. And the two characters could go back to being those 4 year olds who were happy. Eating ice cream in a toy jeep in a cul de sac. And erase the tumultuous years that lie ahead for both of them.) You are a color that I Can barely describe Rotating Rubik's cube Rearranging my sides Just can't make up my mind We are both unstuck in time My mutter misconstrued I knew I met you in another life Am I just wasting my time? Trying, trying to bend space and time Break my heart, keep crushing my spine Only to find you, too late You're already in love with another guy You are a notion that I Can’t comprehend or define Blood orange hunter’s moon Rearranging our lives Just can’t make up my mind Tip toe, shit talk, taking sides My mutter misconstrued Had vision of you in another life Am I just wasting my time? Trying, trying to bend space and time Break my heart, keep crushing my spine Only to find you, too late You're already in love with another guy And I’m coming undone Oh, I’m coming undone It’s heavier now I’m coming undone Before it ever begun It’s heavier now...

(My favorite movie is The Fox and the Hound. It's basically the most relatable shit ever made IMO. Actually, that's not an opinion. It's facts b! When that old lady says, "Forever is a long time and time has a way of changing things." that movie is the inspiration for this song and the final version of this album. The song was day 3 of a 7 day writing project. i wrote it during a blizzard in 2017 Elizabeth, NJ. My best friend Jeff was KO'd on my mattress and I sat in the living room in the dead of night and wrote it with the window open watching the blizzard.) I was always taught to think outside the box Some doors are open Some are always locked There's no prize in my cerealbox Have you ever seen a hound stay friends with a fox? I can barely look you in the eye, When we talk, It all feels force-fed, fake, ad hoc There's a tier, caste, at work here, gridlocked Sold into lives that we never actually bought I'm so in love with you I can't help it Yeah, I just do what I do I can't shake you off And I traded my baby tooth In for My father's deadman work boots I'm so in love with you I can't help it A tree don't choose where it grows I can't shake this off And I traded my baby tooth In for My father's deadman work boots I swear to god I will never touch another drink I swear to god I will do whatever's asked of me I'll throw myself into the wave 'long with the kitchen sink But how can I believe in what don't believe in me? I swear to god I will never touch another drink I swear to god I will do whatever's asked of me I'll throw myself into the wave 'long with the kitchen sink I'd start a million wars If that would bring you back to me I traded my baby tooth I traded my baby teeth Fulfilled my father's shoes So what the hell does that make me What the hell does that make me now?

(This song is about that intuitive feeling, before you make a big decision, that everything is gonna go south post said decision and then trying to double down on said decision, instead of potentially rectifying what may or may not be a mistake. ) i saw this coming felt it in the back of my throat they tell me to try to loosen up just let it all go it's a choice that you make i can't make it someone make it for me you sort of fake it till you make it till you make it look easy and everything you wanted always weighs less than what you need how come everything I wanted always costs more than what i think? i kept the car running on a turncoat of hope tried to open the car door but you wouldn't let go it's the voice that i hate the one that shakes from my head, shoulders, and knees that says everything i want to say, but the exact words that i mean and everything you wanted always weighs less than what you need how come everything I wanted always costs more than what i think? i tried to write down but it don't make sense to anyone that's listening in my defense i wasn't sober when I wrote it I was drunk as hell I wasn't sober when I wrote this I was drunk as hell I tried to ride it out but it don't make sense to all my friends listening i don't make sense i wasn't sober when I wrote it I was drunk as hell I wasn't sober when I wrote this I was drunk as hell If i could take it back, i wouldn't If i could take it back, i should If i could take it back, i wouldn't Even if I knew i could If i could make it up, i wouldn't If i could make it up, lord knows that i should If i could make it up, i wouldn't Even if i knew i could

(I always hated those people who whined about how the girl of their dreams was dating some asshole and how stupid there were for not being with a "nice guy" like them. It all felt disgustingly narcissistic to see them postulate an alternate reality on their timeline, in which some other person would be so much happier with them. That somehow if the object of their desire would only "come to their senses" and be with them, they would be filled with pure bliss. But this sort of thinking always seemed to diminish one integral thing. Maybe. a "nice guy" doesn't whine on social media about all the girls that rejected them and how they need to realize that they are the only ones that can make them happy. Maybe, relationships are hard, and if you're going to behave this immaturely and misogynistic then maybe you're a bigger prick than the "assholes" she's dating. Most likely, you would make a terrible partner. But they cannot see that. They are the self-rightoues POS white knight. This is song is about me falling for someone that is with someone and combating the immorality, guilt, and absurdity that comes with that feeling.) We started talking a lot Almost everyday I said some things, you said some things you shouldn't say You're drunk, you said them anyways Now, we're talking less I miss you every day I'm all fucked up I want to call you say things I shouldn't say 'Cause you got a boyfriend And that makes me a dick But your boyfriend He's kind of a dick And who picked you up, when you're drunk and you're stoned When he couldn't bother to pick up the phone He's a no call, no show And I picked you up, when you're drunk and you're stoned When nobody bothered to pick up the phone I'm the milk to your bones But you got a boyfriend And that makes me a dick But your boyfriend He's kind of a dick And i want to be your boyfriend I want to be your husband I want to be all the bones inside of your wings And watch as they spread out And do wonderful things I want to be the man that you settle down and marry But I'm a homewrecker A homewrecker A dirty, lying, instigator A homewrecker A homewrecker A force of nature Son of a sailor's wife Alright? Alright, alright. But I'm a homewrecker A homewrecker A dirty, lying, instigator A homewrecker A homewrecker A force of nature Son of a sailor's wife And a bit of a dick

(I was at my job, an overnight gig, feeling abysmal. I looked around my office and felt despondent, to put it lightly. I just felt like I was going nowhere and that this might be it for me. The culmination of my life chalked up to sustenance, stability, and a feigned feeling of actually being content. I had a blank piece of paper in front of me. I wrote the words " I get paid to be places I don't want to be". I didn't intend for that to be a lyric, nor any piece of poetry. I honestly just wrote what I couldn't say out loud. I stared at it for a few minutes, sighed, then went back to work. Later on, I found my best friend had rekindled a relationship with an old flame, and i counted the number of friends that began to dissipate into the future. I could see them there with families, and felt as though I was looking in at them, stuck in the past behind glass in some sort of zoo or exhibit. I felt like with each passing day I was being pulled away from that life, that future. I just felt like I couldn't keep up with all my friends who were just about grown up.) I get paid to be places I don't want to be I care about people who don't care about me And I was never one for casual sex Guess I'm all burnout, depressed, and bored to death I get paid to be someone I don't want to be I miss all the people that I'll never meet I'd give every ounce until there's nothing left Guess I'm all bledout, depressed, and bored to death And there's a bigger picture But I'm camera shy And I could look that big bad future in the eye And Jeff will be the first to start a family Mel's probably getting married as we speak And I'm caught off guard, left out in the dust I can't keep up with growing up

This song is about a day I slept for 13 hours, I had this wonderful dream. I woke up a few times in that sort of half wake half a sleep sort of way that you sometimes do on occasion, but fought my way back to that Utopian dream state. I didn't want to leave it ever. I was married to a woman that wholeheartedly loved me and I loved her the same. We were years into our marriage and I was away, out of state, on business. Not far though. We lived in New Jersey and I was in Virginia. There was this blizzard that hit both of our locations and she was home alone. We were on the phone and I was in my hotel room laying in bed in a room lit only by the lamp by my bedside. There was an warm orange glow to the room, probably due to the lampshade. She told me she missed me and asked wouldn't I be happier in a blanket with her at home falling asleep. I fell asleep on the phone with her and woke up in my bed. I couldn't get back to that place. I felt dreadful, mournful almost, and terribly still. I walked into my job minutes later, due to the short commute. I thought of the gift I bought for a lost love in my house and how I would likely never give it to her. And then, I picked up a ringing phone and went to work.